Exchange Rates
by xReicheru-chanx
Summary: When Kaname finds a bill for 20,000 Turkish Lira... he goes to the bank, of course. However, the fateful desicion to purchase a chili cheese dog along the way will change the lives of millions...


**Author's Note: This particular tale was inspired by a real-life experience I had… yesterday. X_x" Curse me for attaching myself in any way to Kaname… but I couldn't pass up this epic chance to make fun of that [insert string of insults here]. I WANT AN 'I HEART ZERO' SHIRT. *jealousy***

**Warning-ish?: Even though a certain black-haired wizard boy pops up in this story, it's not a cross-over… just more of a guest appearance. So, be forewarned – if you're prejudiced against wizards, AVADA KEDAVRA to you!**

**Gah: Instead of writing 'heart' for the T-shirt, I originally had the symbol for heart with the less-than and three… but the site didn't like that. :/**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight, Harry Potter, the O RLY/YA RLY/NO RLY owls, or, um, Turkey. (?)**

-x-

Kaname Kuran blinked in surprise. He had been walking along on the sidewalk, minding his own purebloody business, when WHAM – out of nowhere, the wind blew some kind of paper bill into his face. It caught in his very sticky hair (_someone_ had replaced his shampoo with tacky glue this morning…). Once it had been extricated, Kaname took a good look at the thing. It was reddish in color, with indecipherable Arabic writing, an old dude's portrait, some more recognizable letters that said something about Turkey, and Old-English style writing that read '20,000 lira'.

Now, the vampire's first reaction was the thought, '_Why is it Old English writing if it's from TURKEY? Bakas…'_, as any normal person would have thought. The next thing that occurred to him was that the old dude wasn't smiling. Seniors in portraits never smile, hardly.

His final realization regarding this discovery was that, well, this was _20,000 LIRA_. It sure SOUNDED like a crapload of money. And since Kaname had recently emptied the entire Kuran money-vault for hair care products, he was in need of some quick cash.

Thus, Kaname Kuran found himself skipping – yes, SKIPPING – to the bank. On the way, he passed his 'friend' Ichijou, who was sitting outside a café reading manga and sipping coffee. Well, at least, Takuma _thought_ he was drinking coffee. The noble vampire had long since drained his cup, but was too absorbed in his reading to notice. This was pretty good for Kaname, since it would have been a major disgrace for anyone to see him skipping along the road, joyfully. Purebloods weren't supposed to have emotions, pfft.

Eventually, after many random delays (including a stop at the local hot dog stand), the head of the Kuran clan stumbled into the bank. Well, _stumbled_ is too mild of a word. Actually, he was tripped – by an angry-looking little girl (about five years old), who was wearing an '_I Heart Zero' _T-shirt and pointing at random people with a toy gun, shouting "PEW PEW PEW!"

And so an irritated Kaname stood in line to talk to one of the bank tellers, munching on his chili cheese dog. He'd spilled some of the stuff on the marble floor as he had fallen a few seconds before, but was sure that no one would notice.

"'Ere ya' go, 'arry," mumbled some giant dude as he walked through the big, heavy doors. Not _literally_ through, pfft. He opened them first. Behind him followed a sort-of-scrawny kid with taped-up glasses.

"This is amazing!" exclaimed the child. As he looked up at the vaulted ceiling, he took a few steps forward… right onto some spilled chili cheese dog. The uncoordinated kid slipped, his skull making a loud _CRACK_ as he smacked the stone floor. Hard. The general crowd rushed over to the fallen pre-teen, several of them jabbering away on cell phones – probably summoning every ambulance in the hospital.

"'E'S NO' BREATHIN'!" exclaimed the giant oaf who has led the unfortunate kid into the bank. The crowd freaked out even more.

Kaname shrugged, and finished up his chili cheese dog before walking forward to the bank teller. All the lines were gone now, since all the people were crowded around the deceased boy, weeping and screaming.

_'Suckers,'_ he thought.

The bank teller smiled blandly at the vampire, as if she was bored to death while someone was actually lying dead a few feet away. "Can I help you, sir?" she asked, like it was the stupidest question in the world.

"Yes, I'd like to exchange some foreign money into more… local currency," Kaname replied, a smirk spreading across his face.

"Ah. Okay, please place the desired exchange money on the counter," the girl sighed, bangs hanging over her eyes. She looked and acted a bit like Rima… you know, if Rima was blonde and had long hair and wasn't the least bit interested when someone died.

The vampire took the _20,000 LIRA _note out of his pocket, and set it down on the marble countertop. "Here you are."

With a slight smile, the bored bank teller took the Turkish money, and put three pennies on the counter. "Have a nice day."

Kaname blinked. "Um, what?"

"May I help you, sir?"

"… that was _20,000 LIRA_ I just handed you."

"I know," was the exasperated reply.

"Well, TWENTY-THOUSAND LIRA is worth a bit more than three cents…" he frowned.

"Yes, _New _Turkish Lira is close in value to the U.S. dollar. However, this," she held up the 20,000 lira bill, "is Old Turkish Lira – thereby practically worthless."

Kaname raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

The girl stared back with an unamused expression. "Yeah. Really."

Suddenly, paramedics stormed into the bank, and as they opened the door, a snow-white owl swooped in and dropped a scroll of parchment on the vampire's head. Annoyed, he picked it up and opened it.

It read: 'No, really?'

-x-

**Yeah… Kaname killed Harry Potter with a chili cheese dog. **


End file.
